twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
