So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Every concussion has its silver lining
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
