um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
