her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
