Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
