census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
