i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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