that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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