dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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