I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She announced her abortion via fbk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
