I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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