ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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