I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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