Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
