I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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