Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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