Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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