Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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