Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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