shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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