Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
