We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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