this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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