wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
