I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
