What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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