I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My breasts were aching with rage.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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