I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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