and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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