Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
