I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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