i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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