he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
