You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
