Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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