operation harelip BJ is a go
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
