youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
