Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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