I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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