i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
