He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
