We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
