he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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