At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
