If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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