this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
