Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
