he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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