yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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