So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
