how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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