she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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