I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize