I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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