I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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