The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
