I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
