What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
