if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
