not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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