I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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